LibraryTechtonics

When I present about social networking, I approach the state of harping on how each site and technology has a culture, with a population, etiquette, mores, and all the other social trappings of any culture. Users are attracted to specific social networking sites usually because something in the culture speaks to them. True social networking site participants — regular daily visits, active participation, constantly in touch with contacts — are “residents” in the culture, not just acting, pushing the buttons, or going through the motions, but really fitting into the culture.

I tend to be pretty selective about which sites I use, because I only use social networking tools that I really need. I’ll create an account on a new site, fuss around, check out the help, see who else is using it and why, and then decide if I want to pursue adding contacts and otherwise integrating it into my everyday digital life, or keep it on my mental shelf as a possible solution for something else later. Sometimes just a review from a trusted source is enough to tell me whether or not a social networking site is for me.

Once I’m there, my habits will depend on the site. I basically have different layers of stranger and privacy tolerance on different sites, and I tend to stay pretty true to the purpose, and culture, of the site, and my purpose for it.

• Twitter: I’m most likely to follow people I don’t know, or don’t know very well, on Twitter. My stream is open because the point of Twitter is sharing. Everything I say on Twitter is no-regrets, honest, and something that I would say out loud anywhere. I respect the right of people to lock their streams for whatever reason, but I feel it’s counter to the culture. I used to add locked streams all the time, but now I tend not too. I automatically block spam streams (all links, only there to advertise/pimp/push some site or service, no real interest in relationships, only half-duplex in content), so that I don’t appear in their following list (which helps deter other spammers), and they can’t try to add me again.
• LinkedIn: I only ever add people I can actually vouch for professionally. This means I know you, I’ve known you a while, I’ve worked with you, seen/appreciated your work, and/or I have some other evidence that you are a trustworthy source for *professional* networking and referral. I don’t add people who I’ve just met, who I’ve never worked with, or based on reputation. It’s a professional space, and I take it seriously.
• Facebook: I add friends. Actual, real, dyed-in-the-wool *friends*. We know each other, we’ve met, I like you, I want to get to know you better. You call, you write, you care. We might even get together on occasion, if it’s geographically possible. We have somewhat common interests, or differing interests that I find intriguing. It’s personal. It’s not about professional networking, business card adds, third grade classmates, numbers, or random people.
• Flickr: If I like your photos, I’ll add you as a contact. Pretty simple. You get family or friend status if you fit into one or the other. I do lock photos as I see fit, and for some of my photos, geotagging can only be seen by friends and family, or only by me.
• Yelp: If I like your reviews, if we’re friends, or if we hang on a regular basis, I’ll definitely add you as a friend.
• del.icio.us: I have a small network, but it’s mostly because I don’t talk about my del.icio.us account much. I don’t add too many people proactively, I will add people reactively if I know them, or if they have really interesting linkage.

The simple point is that I don’t use these sites to find people, or to make friends with people, or to network with people. If it happens, it happens. However, overall, they serve as forums to interact with, or to foster relationships with, people I know. Also, it varies on how well I know you, because I’m not a perfunctory about relationships.

After every conference, I find that I receive a flood of add requests, and they always seem to be on sites where, generally, I’m not going to add people I’ve just met. After every conference, I want to write this post, and it just doesn’t happen for one reason or another, probably because, despite the many requests I receive, a post like this just seems so self-serving and egotistical. Truth is, I prefer to get to know people, and if you have my business card or my blog address, you can send me an email, tell me about yourself, and we can take it from there. Sometimes I get busy, and it takes time, but what real relationship doesn’t?

I finally got off my butt to write it because I’ve got a new account on Brightkite, a site that takes the Twitter microblogging concept to a whole new level by adding more robust geographic locating features, and allowing for cross-posting to Twitter. (Honestly, I think it would be totally hot to see some partnership between Brightkite and Yelp, so that there can be an update on an event’s page to see which Yelpers are there, but that’s just an idea.)

The same way that geotagging is sometimes personal, and I don’t give out my exact location on Twitter if I’m alone or at home, I’m going to be very selective on Brightkite. It behooved me to finally get around to explaining why.